I Wouldn’t Change My Marriage for the World

Aimer, ce n’est pas se regarder l’un l’autre, c’est regarder ensemble dans la même direction. Translation: Love does not consist in looking at each other, but rather in, together, looking in the same direction. (Antoine de Saint-Exupéry)

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Dawen is enjoying his travelling life.

Dawen and I will be celebrating 8 years of marriage this Friday. On our wedding day, we had a rather casual and intimate ceremony in Key West. Dawen’s younger brother and mother were our only guests. We said our vows in a rather small, cute church (for my mother-in-law). It was the least I can do for her. We both decided we wanted to spend our money on travelling, anyway.

How did we meet? Dawen and I met online out of all places; he typed me a genuine message on a social networking website we all have forgotten. I responded back not realizing I was typing to my future husband. Life is funny like that. Well, there are parts in our life that wasn’t so…funny.

When we first started dating, a certain person in my family called my husband accusing him of using me to get a green card, which there is all kinds of wrong with this. For starters, just because he is Asian – it doesn’t mean he couldn’t possibly be an American. It’s racist thinking. He has been in the States for the past 15 years before he met me – talk about a long pause in trying to use somebody for a green card.  I have almost forgotten about this, but my husband reminded me of that incident. He was at work and he almost got fired for the harassment he didn’t deserve. At all.

The reason why I decided to mention this it’s because while I tend to be really positive about what I share on my blog – it doesn’t mean everything is peaches and cream. I also should be honest with the barriers that my husband I go through when it comes to interracial marriage, as well. Who knows, maybe somebody who is reading this is also in an interracial marriage has gone through something similar what we went through.

We had some judgmental people try to tell us that what we have is wrong. I can’t count how many ugly, death stares I have gotten from white men. There was an incident where the waitress refused to serve us at a restaurant in the Keys. The people around us looked at us as if we were clowns in their circus.

Sometimes Dawen and I even sit through the most awkward conversations. I remember a Taiwanese man asked me if I had a thing for Asian men. I simply said, “I like….men.” He quickly said, “So, it doesn’t matter whether he is Asian or not …” I interrupted, “Exactly. I like…men.” My husband could have easily been with a Taiwanese woman. It just didn’t happen. Honestly though, I refuse to be with a man who has mommy issues. Anybody who puts down his own people has some issues I don’t want to be mine. Those issues….has to stay out of my life. Period.

I have  a father and  a brother who are Western men. It would be silly to go crazy and talk ill of them. The common sense would be….lacking. It just doesn’t make any sense to me. So yes, we do have the craziest things thrown at us, but in the end – it’s their mess and not ours.

mome

MIL and I

The thing is, I wouldn’t change our marriage for the world. The longer Dawen and I are together, the more it becomes the honeymoon stage. Our marriage is like in reverse. It was tougher in the beginning but the more we learn from each other’s background, the more understanding we become. Mutual respect is so important.

Now I have a second home in Taiwan, an amazing mother-in-law who is supportive of me – anybody who ever said to me that I would have a tough life by being in an interracial marriage can take a shit on that! Life may be tough, but I have so many great memories with my husband I wouldn’t trade for anything.

Now excuse me, I’m packing. Dawen and I will be celebrating our marriage in Taipei. I will be making sure to eat my stinky tofu.

15 thoughts on “I Wouldn’t Change My Marriage for the World

  1. baliinfoblog says:

    well said!! I am also in an interracial marriage, and my family has had a hard time accepting it. Funnily enough there are plenty of mixed marriages in Bali, so we do not get strange looks or comments here, although there are certainly narrow minded people everywhere that believe he must have a hidden agenda! But like you say, that’s their issue, not mine

    Liked by 1 person

  2. myhongkonghusband says:

    first of all – congrats about your wedding anniversary. second of all – I’m terrified reading what happened to you two, the green card comment shows is quite common, but refusing service? what the hell… I’m so glad we never really had to face anything like this and hopefully we won’t.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. R Zhao says:

    Congrats on eight years! My husband and I will also have our 8-year anniversary later this year. 🙂 Your post is eye-opening, in ways I don’t really want my eyes opened. I’m sorry for the negative experiences you’ve had and I fear for the ones we will inevitably have (once we move back to the US).

    One of my Chinese friends warned me, years ago, that Ming (my now husband) might be in it for a green card. I think she meant well, but that’s something no one wants to hear. It plants a seed of doubt in one’s mind (at least it did for me). And it made me feel like she thought I was a bit clueless.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Eileen黃愛玲 says:

      Thank you! 🙂 How exciting for the both of you with your 8 year anniversary later this year, as well!

      If it makes you feel any better, it didn’t happen often. We still managed to have a good life in the States. 🙂 The restaurant where we were refused service was all-white redneck sort of vibe. That was the only time this kind of thing happened. We did have friendly, curious smiles when people saw us, as well. 🙂 I wish both of you well.

      “And it made me feel like she thought I was a bit clueless.”
      Whoa. You nailed it on the head how I felt about the situation. I think that is what made me so…ehh. You know?

      Like

  4. autumnashbough says:

    Refused service? Wow! That’s pretty redneck AND uptight for a place like the Florida Keys. (There are some places in the Everglades, though, with their swamp boats, southern sweet tea, and fried alligator where I wouldn’t be surprised at such reactionary thinking. Angry and sad, yes, but surprised, no.)

    Congrats on the positive attitude, though, and the lucky 8 years of marriage!

    Like

  5. Amanda says:

    Hi! I just found your blog through Joella’s blog, Paper Crane Stories.

    I feel like I can relate to you, so thank you for writing this! I’m Canadian, and my fiancé is Chinese; we’re getting married this summer. I have had a few people (family, friends, strangers) make racist comments about Tony, or say that maybe he just wants to be able to live in Canada. Infuriating!

    When he visited Canada last year (I’m from a small town), I was surprised that more people didn’t stare or say rude things. We didn’t really have any incidents. I actually find that more people stare here in Beijing (especially older people, but sometimes younger people). Some of my Chinese friends have said that it might be because it is very common to see “foreigner” men with Chinese girlfriends, but not the other way around. I’ve even had some people wish me good luck or say that they are proud of me because I’m choosing to marry a Chinese man, as if I am taking a big risk!

    Like

    • Eileen黃愛玲 says:

      Hello. Nice to meet you. 🙂

      That’s good that there weren’t any rude comments or stares when your fiancé visited Canda. Honestly, usually when Dawen and I lived in Florida, people didn’t stare. We just had bad luck with rednecks in the Keys, is all. 🙂

      Like

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