When Home Never Quite Felt Like Home

Taiwan on the brain

Leaving the States is like losing your seniority from this big company and you learn to adapt to other companies only to realize you like what you see, learn the tricks of the trade and due to this, you’re no longer the same. When you return to the big company, you can’t adapt and you wind up feeling more foreign than when you lived abroad.

I haven’t stepped on America’s soil for over 3 years; I was either living in China or Taiwan. In August of 2015, when I went through the costumes, I was told, “Welcome back home.” I wanted to respond, “I left home.”

And I did. My home is in Xiaobitan area, New Taipei, Taiwan. Not the United States, especially not Maine. Not anymore. Then again, I don’t think Maine ever felt quite like home. I wasn’t born there, and to most Mainers – I wasn’t one of them despite I grew up in a small town near Belfast. Not only that, apparently I am a Louisiana native because I was born there but I left the state when I was only two years old, but that’s another story. The last time I went to Maine with my husband, I felt more out-of-place than when we moved abroad in China from Taiwan. I felt disconnected but most of all, I simply lost seniority as if I’m Junior level again and nobody knows who or what I am. It’s like starting from scratch again, except it’s quite strange when it’s in a place that supposed to be your home but never quite felt like home. It’s a muddy, indescribable feeling, honestly.

If you ask me what to do in Maine or what’s happening over there. I couldn’t tell you. If you ask me the same thing about Taipei or Shanghai, my eyes light up and I can talk for hours. It’s like being in my comfortable pajamas, reading a familiar book. Places like Maine, Atlanta or even South Florida? Not so much.

Despite the pollution in Shanghai, for instance, my quality of life was still much higher than here in the States. I, at least, have mobility, can easily go to the Doctor (going bankrupt due to hospital bills is UNHEARD of), get my teeth cleaned and I actually hung out with like-minded people. I had a social life, but most of all – I was content.

In the States, however, it’s hard to talk to people when mentally we’re worlds apart. While we may both speak the same language, there’s a barrier between us. And you know what? I realize the States has propaganda just like the rest of the world. Americans have said to me how great it must be to leave China as if my life is better. In a few ways, yes. In many ways, not so much. The bottom line is, though, their perception of China (or even Taiwan) is completely wrong.

Have you realized those who say they live in the best country in the world never actually lived anywhere else while others live abroad become humbled by their experiences?

It has been over a year since I left China and Taiwan, and while it hasn’t gotten any easier, I’m fortunate to be with a very patient, understanding husband; he listens to me when I’m having the blues. Not only the blues hasn’t been turned down, the lyrics to the song rings truer than ever before.

Regardless, here’s to 2017…may this year be kind to us all.


  1. I think the Americans who bother me the most are the “Love it or leave it” ones. As if a country cannot be improved by looking at other countries, other health care, and other family leave plans and imitating the ones that might work. So shortsighted.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. My boyfriend is from California, when he visited me here in Dubai Middle East, his friends said alot of negative things about Middle East , I told him this place is not like what you think it is. It is not a war zone or anything that the media feeds the public. When we travel around Europe, he was fascinated for everything he saw and experienced. Nowadays, his perception and views of other countries has been changed.


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